March 11, 2015

The Big Elephant in The Room

So today, I decided randomly to wear a hijab to class.

Don't ask me what triggered it, I could say it was the usrah session I had last week, or perhaps, a deep buried intention of mine that's been there since coming to UK.... I could say many things, but mostly, I guess Allah just moved my heart to do it. (and i'm so grateful for it)

But anyways, true to last week's usrah where I talked about consistency.

The Prophet ﷺ said, “The most beloved of deeds to Allah are those that are most consistent, even if it is small”.

I decided that I will take a small step into wearing the hijab, by wearing it every Wednesday.

Strangely, coming out of my hall today with the hijab on didn't feel any significantly different than when i'm not wearing it. Nobody gave me strange looks, everyone just minded their own business and life went on. However, i already anticipated that this was the reaction I was gonna get from strangers. After all, I do live in Manchester, where the diversity here is amazing! There are already so many (beautiful) hijabis walking around on a daily basis. So its a pretty common sighting.

But when entering class, that's when I got a slight bit nervous. Meeting Su Wen earlier was fine, since I already told her and the rest of the gang that I was gonna do it on Wed. But the class.... nope, no one knew. Now, what was the reaction I got? 


But not the normal nothing-nothing. It's the nothing as in there's a big-elephant-in-the-room-nothing. The people I knew and knew me, didn't say a word. Most just didn't talk to me, but those who did, just pretended that nothing was different. It was almost funny, really! I mean, I could sense the curiosity radiating from them, but no one asked. It was as if, they we were afraid to ask. As if it was a sensitive topic. To be fair, I think I myself was radiating a whole nervous don't-ask-me-about-my-hijab vibe. So, can't really blame them. Hahah.

Nevertheless, I'm glad I did what I did today. Nobody said the first step would be easy. I just have to persevere and remain consistent. First step is always the hardest, once everyone gets used to it, no one is going to feel weird at all. InsyaAllah.

I pray for the strength to continue being consistent in doing what I know is right. Amin.

January 8, 2015

And the first post of 2015 goes to......

My family!

Just wanted to say.... i miss you guys.

Maybe its because my flatmates are not back yet, (and i'm currently the only person living in flat 10 right now), maybe it's because its currently the depressing pre-exam season phase now or maybe its because my brother had warned me that its only after the family visits you that homesickness starts to kick in.

But either way, I really miss my family right now.

To be honest though, I really am surprised at how long its been before this homesickness kicked it. I mean, i always thought that from the moment i flew to UK, i would be homesick all most of the time. But to my surprise, my first sem of Year 1 in UK has been relatively homesick free! 

But then, after that amazing (close to) one month of family coming over for winter break.... its like all the warmth and joy went back with them when they boarded the plane to Malaysia. Having the annoying little siblings around to annoy and be annoyed with... having papa around with his unnecessary but endearing tendency for lame jokes and picture-taking.... having mama around to cook for us and care for us unconditionally... and having abang as well to kacau. (Although technacially abang is still here in the UK, I just don't get to see him so often anymore).

I guess its really true what they say, home is wherever your family is. Never have i felt more at home here, than with my family around. Time literally flew this time around. I remember visiting UK two years ago (2012) with the family. That time, we were visiting Abang who was on his first year. To me that one month in UK felt like a long stretch of of fun and bliss. It was termed in my family as the best holiday ever! Fast forward to two years later, and this time its my turn to be the one in UK with my family visiting me (and abang). Somehow, I felt as if time just FLEW for this visit. I wasn't the only one, Danny also commented that he felt this holiday was going by too fast, although, maybe Danny just said that cause he wasn't looking forward to school when he goes back....but i digress. 

To whomever reading my blog right now, appreciate every moment with your loved ones. You never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory. Yes, I am aware i just stole that line completely from the internet :P But its true though, I would love to rewind back time and just spend the days on winter break with my family again. But life goes on. And so must we, 

Although, every part of me wanted to jump on the aeroplane back with my family that day when abang and I sent you off...... I know i can't :(

I miss you, family. See you in 6 months time, insyaAllah.